


I'm In Here

by newsteph



Series: I'm In Here [1]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-08-12 17:37:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7943254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newsteph/pseuds/newsteph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short stories based on the events of Fallout 4, each inspired by a different song. They're not always going to be in chronological order, but are all happening in the same universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gods and Monsters

**Author's Note:**

> MacCready and some self loathing in Goodneighbor. He sees Nora for the first time with Valentine.
> 
> _In the land of gods and monsters, I was an angel living in the garden of evil_  
>  Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed, Shining like a fiery beacon  
> You've got that medicine I need- fame, liquor, love- give it to me slowly  
> ...  
> Me and God, we don't get along, so now I sing  
> No one's gonna take my soul away, livin' like Jim Morrison  
> ...  
> Fuck yeah, give it to me, this is heaven - what I truly want  
> It's innocence lost  
> It's innocence lost  
> ...  
> I don't really wanna know what's good for me  
> God's dead, I say, baby that's all right with me.  
> No one's gonna take my soul away, livin' like Jim Morrison  
> ...  
> Fuck yeah, give it to me, this is heaven - what I truly want  
> It's innocence lost  
> It's innocence lost

The old subway station was dark and cold, but it was better than being out in the rain or the rad storm that would follow. Diamond City wasn't far, but MacCready knew he had to keep them safe and toddlers have more needs than adults. They got held up fighting through a small pack of super mutants and they just couldn't make it before the sun went down. He could see the lights of the city, but anything could be waiting for them in those last couple blocks. He was more comfortable fighting from a distance, especially with Duncan in tow. What he lacked in stature, he made up for with his sharp eyesight and ability to nail an enemy in the head before they saw him.

He found an old Boston Bugle and had lifted a board from a super mutant. It was good enough for a torch. Lucy smiled at him as the fire illuminated her face and Duncan giggled - MacCready's favorite sound. He knew how lucky he was that Duncan could still be in such good spirits with everything they had experienced on this journey. They had eaten the last of their food the day before, but they had counted on being in Diamond City with bellies full of Takahashi's noodles by now. In hindsight, he knew how foolish it was. 

Lucy saw how much the giggle from Duncan made his father melt, so she grabbed the torch from MacCready and pushed Duncan into his arms. "It's your turn to carry him. Let's try to see what kind of food we can scav in here." Across the room, there was an old magazine stand with some burned comics and magazines and what looked like could be a couple cans of Cram scattered on the floor. She quickly crossed the room. Too quickly. She wasn't being as careful as she should have been. But it wasn't just Cram, there was also Salisbury steaks, and MacCready's favorite treat, Fancy Lad Snack Cakes. "Oooh, jackpot!" Lucy exclaimed as she bent to claim her prize.

And then he heard it - the evil groans, the gargles. Ferals. They seemed to come out of nowhere and everywhere at the same time. MacCready fumbled with his gun, but he couldn't grab it fast enough with Duncan in his arms. There were just too many. Lucy screamed in horror and pain as they knocked her to the ground. They were literally tearing her apart, biting into her flesh, beating her to a pulp. Then more came. It was like they were coming out of cracks in the floor and the walls, running and flailing towards him and Duncan. He knew what he had to do. There was no chance to save Lucy. He sprinted towards the door, still holding Duncan. A feral slapped him, its nails digging into the flesh on the side of his neck as he reached the door. He slammed it shut, severing the fingertips of the feral in the frame. Others growled and gurgled at the door, slamming into it. The door rattled, threatening to break open. He slammed his body against the door and leaned against it with all his might. "I'm sorry, Lucy. I'm so sorry." He repeated over and over to himself, choking back sobs. The door rattled harder and harder and began to take on a faint mechanical whirring noise. He squeezed his eyes shut and hugged Duncan to his body so tightly he wasn't sure the boy wasn't being injured. "I'm sorry, Lucy! I'm so sorry!" his chant grew louder and louder until he was screaming and unable to hold back the tears. The whirring grew louder and more clear.

WHAP! MacCready felt the sting of cold steel striking his face. "Yeah, you had bloody better be sorry, passing out on this couch again," a cockney accent said. The ferals were gone. He opened his eyes. A Mr. Handy wearing a bowler hat was staring down at him. Whitechapel Charlie. MacCready took a sluggish inventory of his surroundings. He was still in a subway station, but this was The Third Rail. He was in Goodneighbor. It wasn't Duncan he was nearly squeezing the life out of, it was an old straw pillow. Sitting up slowly, his head was pounding and the room was spinning a little. A few liquor bottles were at his feet. His throat was raw, he had actually been screaming for Lucy in his sleep. "That's the third time this week, MacCready," Whitechapel Charlie said, condescendingly. "Get your arse out of here and get cleaned up. You're scaring the freaks."

Nodding and giving a grunt of acknowledgement, MacCready shuffled out of the VIP and up the stairs. Ham was glaring at him from the threshold and gave a terse nod as MacCready passed. 

_Fuck, the sun is bright out here,_ MacCready thought as he staggered the short distance from The Third Rail to Hotel Rexford. The ground seemed to wobble beneath him, as he stumbled over the cracks in the street. The door at the hotel opened harder than he had intended. _Crap, no no no no no no, Fred, no, go away, don't talk to me you stupid chem addict, no no no no no..._

"Hey, you," Fred slurred, smiling at him, "I love y-"

"No!" MacCready barked and tried to walk faster, making a beeline to the bathroom. Fred's face fell.

He barely reached the urinal in time. While taking the piss of his life, the ground seemed to buck wildly under his feet. MacCready slumped forward, his forhead against the wall. The dingy tile was cool against his skin, still sweating from the panic and horror of his nightmare. The same one he's been having off and on for a couple years now. _You deserve every bit of this. You know she was too good for you, too good to last. Who the fuck were you fooling, thinking you could clean up your act? And you thought you could have and protect and keep something as beautiful as Lucy. You're an idiot. You're scum. You tricked that poor girl into trusting you. You made her think you were capable of providing a life and a family._

Shaking his head violently, as if he could shake the thoughts out of his head, he walked back to the lobby. He grabbed a couple cans of purified water from Rufus's stockpile behind the bar, dropping a handful of caps on the bar. He slammed another handful on the front desk in front of Clare and snatched a key out of her hand and wordlessly stumbled up the stairs.

He nearly barreled into some idiot in a vault suit who was talking to the pitiful pre war ghoul who lived in the hotel. The ghoul was going on about how Vault Tec had tricked him before the bombs fell. The same old story MacCready had heard a thousand times. He took a closer look at the woman in the vault suit. She was beautiful, somehow even more than Lucy. Her bright auburn hair hung in a long braid down her back. shining in the sun coming through the windows. Her skin was lightly freckled and her body was a little thicker and more curvaceous than anyone he had ever encountered. 

The ghoul was squawking about being frozen and Vault-Tec, as if he knew her. _Wait, is this woman from before the war? No, that's impossible._ He looked closer. Her skin was smoother than anyone he had ever seen. There were a few scars he could see, but they were all recent. Not a single one was old, not like anyone who had ever lived since the bombs fell 210 years ago. _Shit, maybe she is. Good luck to you, lady. You won't make it long._

Another voice quietly cleared his throat. MacCready realized he had been gaping at this woman, but she was too focused on the bellyaching ghoul to notice. He rubbed his bleary, still drunk eyes. That weird old synth detective was glaring at him as hard as he could with half a face. _Fucking rejected institute toaster,_ MacCready thought as he pushed past the group and into his room, shutting the door a little harder than he intended.

 _Don't you even start thinking about that woman._ He flopped onto the bed, keeping one leg on the floor in an attempt to keep his bed from feeling like it was spinning out of control. _You weren't good enough for Lucy and you definitely aren't good for something as beautiful as that woman. She's a fucking pre war relic. From a vault. She's a goddamn liability out here. You couldn't help Lucy and this world was the only one she knew. Lucy was naive enough to believe you were a soldier instead of a hired killer, but at least she knew how to survive. That woman is soft. And she would never consider a human shit pile like you. You fucking murder people for money. And now you're trying to drink yourself to death instead of getting a cure for Duncan. You. Are. No. Good. You're worthless. You don't even deserve to live._

...

MacCready didn't really give the pre war woman any thought after passing out that night. Every once and a while she would cross his mind and he would laugh to himself, wondering how long it had taken someone like her to die and how stupidly it would happen. If he were a gambling man, he would have taken bets on her getting killed by a radroach or something. He never expected to see her again. Within a week or two she faded out of his mind. 

One day, he looked up from his glass of whiskey and saw her unmistakably shiny auburn hair against the vibrant blue vault suit across the bar, through the door of the VIP room. Magnolia had stopped singing and she was talking with this woman. Even though the music had stopped, he couldn't hear what they were saying but he could tell from their body language the woman was being flirtatious with Magnolia, buttering her up. She was still with Valentine, who seemed to be confused or frustrated by this display.

MacCready stood to get closer and eavesdrop on what had to be a ridiculous conversation. Then he saw something that made his heart feel like it was going to fall out of his body. Winlock and Barnes. They stopped to talk to a drifter, who pointed towards the VIP. They were definitely looking for him.

_You kill people for money. You deserve this. Embrace it. You knew better. This is obviously what you want because you did everything in your power to make sure you got it. There is no god or anything that could save you now._

...

 _Leave it to Hancock to scare a couple macho idiots like Winlock and Barnes and not even be in the same building._ MacCready chuckled as he took a celebratory sip of his whiskey. In the distance, he heard a flirtatious exchange between a drifter who once tried to pay him in sex for killing an old boyfriend and Nick Valentine. _Gross, that smooth talking toaster? The one with half a face and no skin on his robot hand?_ He lifted his glass and toasted the empty lounge. _Here's to all the freaks in this fucked up town._

He looked down to read an old burned Grognak comic. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a form in vivid blue approaching him. If she was still alive, maybe she had something going for her. Judging by how clean she was, she had to be swimming in caps. _Play it cool,_ he told himself. _You need these caps. You need to keep at least one promise you made to Duncan._ "Look, lady, if you're preaching about the Atom or looking for a friend, you've got the wrong guy. If you're looking for a hired gun, then maybe we can talk."

_This. This is what you want. Go get it._


	2. Fade Into You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MacCready and Nora bond after setting up a new settlement, Preston and Piper have a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've taken so long to update. A lot of life has happened. This chapter isn't exactly linear with time, but I think it tells a better story this way. 
> 
>  
> 
> "Fade Into You"
> 
> I want to hold the hand inside you  
> I want to take a breath that's true  
> I look to you and I see nothing  
> I look to you to see the truth  
> You live your life  
> You go in shadows  
> You'll come apart and you'll go blind  
> Some kind of night into your darkness  
> Colors your eyes with what's not there.
> 
> Fade into you  
> Strange you never knew  
> Fade into you  
> I think it's strange you never knew
> 
> A stranger's light comes on slowly  
> A stranger's heart without a home  
> You put your hands into your head  
> And then smiles cover your heart
> 
> Fade into you  
> Strange you never knew  
> Fade into you  
> I think it's strange you never knew
> 
> Fade into you  
> Strange you never knew  
> Fade into you  
> I think it's strange you never knew  
> I think it's strange you never knew

MacCready was never a fan of helping the settlements of The Commonwealth. Too much risk without enough reward. The settlers would always end up getting harassed by raiders or super mutants again before too long and Nora would go dragging his ass across the countryside all over again just so these hayseeds could grow tatoes and mutfruit in peace for a few days. Maybe it wouldn't seem so pointless if these people could just do anything for themselves because a rescue was never just a rescue. It meant they would be breaking their backs planting new crops and making beds after spending a day risking their lives, for just a handful of caps. It wasn't all bad, though. Trudging through the wastes on a never ending list of fools' errands was still a far cry from working with the gunners. At least he was making his money honestly this time.

It had been a rough trip from the old Red Rocket station by Sanctuary. MacCready never knew why Nora often stayed there with just her dog. At first he thought it was foolish to go off by herself like that until he saw how much that dog was able to tear an enemy apart. The arsenal she kept hidden also made him feel better about her safety, even though Nora said it was only to keep the settlers in Sanctuary from stealing her weapons if she left them on her workbench.

It seemed like they were under attack from the moment they left. First, it was a gang of super mutants who were approaching Sanctuary. "Looks like we saved Preston the trouble of firing the artillery," Nora said with a smirk as they searched the bodies for caps and ammo.

MacCready chuckled. "Could you imagine how worked up Preston would get if he had to send you to rescue Sanctuary?"

Nora sighed and rolled her eyes. "We've got to keep moving to make sure I never have to experience that level of Preston." She kicked the last super mutant's leg to make sure he didn't fall on anything valuable and set out on their journey again.

.......

Preston shivered against the rain and pulled his jacket tighter around himself, hoping to find the last bit of warmth it might hold. His watch had thankfully been uneventful so far and he gladly took the shifts nobody else wanted, but he couldn't help feeling a little jealous when the sounds of his friends laughing in the tower below would reach his ears. _This is why you're up here,_ he told himself. They can let their guards down and enjoy themselves because you're watching over them.

The clanking of the primitive elevator took Preston by surprise. His shift wasn't over for hours. "I thought you could use some company," Piper said cheerfully as she stepped off the elevator, carrying a large bundle and a cooler.

Preston's heart skipped a beat and he suddenly forgot how cold he was. He really admired how tenacious and upbeat Piper always was. Preston also tried to make himself not notice her beauty, but he always failed. "Your company is always welcome, Piper," he said, thankful it was too dark for her to see him blush.

Piper pushed a bench over to the artillery and unwrapped her bundle. It was a blanket sewn to a tarp, which she quickly wrapped around herself. She reached into the cooler and pulled out two beers. "I was thinking on a night like tonight a warm spot with a cold beer would be heaven." She held out one of the beers and one side of her blanket lined tarp. "Why don't you join me? There can't be much going on out there in this weather."

"Of course, Piper," Preston said, taking off his coat. Fortunately his clothes had mostly stayed dry. He wrapped himself in the blanket and he pulled it over the tops of their heads.

Piper took a swig of her beer and laid her head on his shoulder. Preston stiffened for a moment as Piper snaked her arm around his waist, but relaxed when the sweet clean smell of her hair registered in his mind. He took a long drink of his beer. "You were right. This is heavenly." His arm wrapped around her shoulder and she rested her head on his chest. Preston took another drink, keeping his eyes trained on the horizon. He was filled with a warmth he had never felt before.

......

Not long after leaving the super mutants, Nora and MacCready stumbled upon a molerat nest. The ensuing struggle disturbed a nearby raider camp. After searching that batch of corpses and continuing on their path, MacCready sighed and said, "I don't want to ask what's next but-"

"No!" Nora exclaimed, cutting him off.

"But really-"

"No! I swear to god-"

"What's next?" As soon as the question left his lips, a pack of feral mongrels was on them.

"After I'm done..." Nora slammed the butt of her rifle into the skull of one dog, killing it. "Killing these fucking dogs..." She shot one in the chest as it was lunging towards MacCready. "I'm killing you next!"

"Awww, you wouldn't do that to me!" MacCready kicked a mongrel in the chest towards Nora while shooting another between the eyes.

"Yes I absolutely would!" She kicked the dog back in MacCready's direction, setting him up for another perfect kill shot.

"But look at me! I'm so charming!"

Nora groaned, setting out once again for their destination.

"Come on! You love this! You paid me for my gun and you keep me around for my witty banter!" MacCready jogged after her.

......

Piper was already a few beers in by the time she decided to join Preston at his post. She had been harboring a crush on him for a while and she finally realized he was never going to make the first move. In a way, that was part of what she liked about Preston. He had a gentleness about him and he saw the world for what it could be, rather than dwelling on what it was. He kept up with her zest and enthusiasm in a way that nobody ever had.

Throwing back the last of her beer _,_ she told herself _there's no time like the present. If you can't do it now, you'll never be able to._ She slammed her bottle onto the table harder than she intended _. It's now or never, Piper._

......

Nora and MacCready's stop at Tenpines Bluff was uneventful, as far as any settlement stop goes. The settlers only needed a couple more beds, which MacCready tended to while Nora showed them once again how to plant more crops from the seeds of their most recent harvest.

By the time they were filling their canteens from the water purifier, the sun was slipping into the western sky. Nora insisted they press on. Intelligence reports said there were only a few raiders in the small settlement, so wiping them out wouldn't take too long. As they crossed the rope bridge over the railroad tracks, MacCready spotted the gleaming silver of a crashed pre-war airplane to the south. There has to be some seriously good scrap left in that beast. To the north and just past a highway overpass was the hulking tower of Outpost Zimonja, their destination.

Nora and MacCready made quick and quiet work of getting to the overpass. She was always quiet before any battle and MacCready didn't mind. He had even noticed Nora copying his breathing technique to prepare his mind and body for long range battle. "It's a lot easier to hear your enemies when your heart isn't pounding in your ears," he told her before their first attack about a month ago. Nora wasn't necessarily a bad fighter before they met, but she was sloppy and a little careless. She was often too quick to charge threats and ended up getting hurt before taking them down. Under his instruction, she was taking the time to make better decisions and better shots.

"Shit," Nora whispered as they crept to the edge of the overpass and peered through the support beams overlooking the settlement, "one has power armor and a Fat Man. We're probably only going to have one shot to take this guy down and we have to hit him first." She quietly loaded her gauss rifle.

"In that case, I've got this one," MacCready whispered, inspecting the camp through the scope of his bolt action rifle. "I'll get him right in the fusion core, you aim for the head. His helmet is off."

"No way. You won't do enough damage with your rifle," Nora hissed.

"Nora, we can't risk you missing a target that small."

"That's why you're aiming for his head." Nora lined up the shot in her scope.

"You're going to get us killed!"

She exhaled slowly and took the shot. It wasn't a direct hit, but it caused enough damage to make the fusion core beep, warning of the imminent nuclear explosion. The raider wasted no time lining up a shot with his Fat Man. Nora grabbed MacCready by the elbow, dragging him with her as she dove over the concrete divider. As soon as they hit the crumbling pavement, the whistle of the mini nuclear warhead grew louder and louder. MacCready threw himself on top of Nora, shielding her body with his and cradling her head in his arms.

The explosion of the mini nuke hitting the support beams was blinding and deafening. The second explosion of the fusion core was just a dull thud in their ringing ears. A few old cars on the overpass also exploded. Each detonation jarred their bodies rattled their bones. Then everything fell silent except for the ringing in their ears. Nora and MacCready stayed balled up in each other's arms for what felt like hours. She could feel his heart pounding against her face. At least she knew he was still alive. They slowly sat up and crept to the edge. Every raider in the camp had been killed in the blasts.

Nora laughed hysterically. "You said I couldn't make the shot and I killed an entire camp with one bullet," she cried out through her laughter, doubling over and gasping for air.

......

The rain continued to pour as Piper and Preston stared into the distance.

"What do you think you're going to find out there?" Piper asked, looking up at Preston through her eyelashes, not wanting to lift her head from the warmth of his chest.

"Hard telling. It could be super mutants, a pack of ferals, or even another settlement in trouble."

"No, I mean once you get The Minutemen back together and all the settlements united and on their feet. What happens then? What's in it for you? Everyone in The Commonwealth has an angle. Something to gain personally from every action, no matter how much I want to believe there are good people out there."

"I don't know. I want to see unity, I guess. Strength in numbers for the common man out there who's just trying to survive."

"Any attempt at a unified Commonwealth has ended in disaster. What makes you think this time is different?"

"Honestly, I don't know if it will be. I want to believe there are good people out there too, Piper. I mean, if there aren't, then what's the point of anything? All of the pain and suffering out there has to mean something. And if I don't believe it can be better and try to change things, who will?"

Piper sat up and looked him straight in the eye. "You're one of the good ones, aren't you?" Before he could answer, she kissed him.

....

It was good Outpost Zimonja was mostly set up by the raiders before they got there. There was even a small generator that only needed a few small repairs before it was in working order. Nora and MacCready didn't spend much time to get the place ready for the first settlers. With it being so close to Tenpines Bluff, it didn't take a provisioner long to show up with the necessary materials. Everything was good to go by the time the first settlers arrived.

With ample daylight left and two settlements nearby, Nora decided to search the wreckage of the crashed airplane. They ran into a lone scavver in the wreckage. "Plenty of scrap for everyone," he said, then continued to pick through the wreckage. The scavver was right. There were suitcases and shipping containers everywhere. The pair worked their way methodically through the wreckage. They even found a hidden compartment in the belly of the plane, full of chems and other contraband. Once in the cockpit, Nora and MacCready began to sort through their loot.

A sharp crack in the distance made them both look up. A storm was rolling in and the sun was quickly setting. MacCready closed the cockpit door, the pushed one of the shipping containers they were sorting through against it. "This place is as good as any to hunker down for the night," he said, looking out the windscreen.

Nora sighed and stretched her neck. "At least there won't be any settlers asking for favors here."

By the time they finished sorting through everything, the storm was raging all around them. Other than the lighting, the cockpit was almost completely dark. Nora and MacCready had worked in relative silence, speaking only to make a remark on the occasional item.

"Look, I'm not complaining about running with you. The caps and loot have been good so far and you even helped me take out Winlock and Barnes. I... I just don't know much about you."

"What do you mean?"

"I know you didn't hire me and get half of The Commonwealth on your side to help you haul junk and run errands for The Minutemen. You're capable of doing that on your own. What are you doing out here? I know you have a plan. You and Deacon are definitely working on something and you hired Valentine to help you find someone. Who are you looking for and why do you need so many people helping you?"

"I..." Nora paused, choosing her words carefully. "I'm looking for my son. He was stolen from me while I was... It doesn't matter. He was taken from me and I have to find him. He's just a baby. Valentine thinks The Institute was involved."

"Oh. Wow."

They stood in silence on opposite sides of the cockpit. The small space between them might as well have been an ocean. They both stared at their feet. Joking and playful banter had always come easily to them. Getting serious was much harder. They were both holding on to so much pain.

MacCready cleared his throat. "I, uh, have one more question."

Nora said nothing, but raised her eyebrows.

"I know you're from before the war. I was there when you were talking to that miserable ghoul from Vault-Tec at Hotel Rexford. I heard you talking about being frozen for over 200 years. How did you get out?"

Nora stared at the floor. "I don't know. Everyone else was dead. The computers said everyone had suffocated. They were all mummified inside their pods. Everyone except..." Nora met MacCready's eyes, tears welling up. "Except for Nate- my husband. They... shot him in front of me when they took my son." Tears streamed down her cheeks. "There was nothing I could do. I was trapped inside my pod. I have no idea how I got out later on." Sobbing, she fell to her knees. "Why couldn't I get out in time to stop them or save Nate?"

MacCready dropped to the floor and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his chest. "I'm so sorry, Nora." He stroked her hair until her tears subsided. "I'm going to do everything I can to help you find your son and kill the people who killed your husband."

Nora sighed, her face still buried in his chest. "Thank you."

They sat quietly a while longer. "You know I've never been on a plane before," MacCready said, breaking the silence.

"Oh?" Nora lifted her head, still in his arms.

"Yeah, the highest I ever got was taking a hit of Psycho."

Nora laughed, harder than she should have. "We should really get to sleep. We have a long walk ahead of us."

They made a makeshift bed out of seat cushions. Nora then set a couple land mines outside the door, the pushed the crate back into place, placing the rest of their loot on top to make the door heavier. "No sense in one of us staying up for watch. It's been a very long day."

They both settled into bed and laid in silence, neither one able to sleep. "It's quiet in here," MacCready said. "Too quiet." Nora sat up, reaching for her gun. MacCready laughed. "Oh man, I always wanted to say that!"

Nora groaned and laughed. "You need to stop." She smiled, settling back into her bed.

"Who's going to make me? I'll make all the awesome jokes I want! You love them!"

"I'll stop you." She rolled over and kissed him before he could respond.


	3. Influence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cait meets Nora at The Combat Zone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cait is probably every Tove Lo song. I'm probably going to use more than one for her.
> 
> "Influence"
> 
> First line, take mine; I'm fine as fuck  
> Love myself tonight and I think you can feel the same  
> Moonshine, good time; babe, you're in luck  
> Cause I will do whatever comes to mind, yeah, go insane
> 
> Things I say don't usually come easily  
> There's one thing I need you now to know 'bout me
> 
> You know I'm under the influence  
> So don't trust every word I say, I say  
> When I'm under the influence  
> It's a blur, but I want my way, my way  
> You know I'm under the influence  
> So don't trust every word I say, I say  
> Sounds good without making sense  
> It's a blur, but I want my way, my way  
> When I'm under the influence  
> ...
> 
> Boy meets, boy meets, girl meets, girl  
> This is the best place in the world, ooh  
> Boy meets, boy meets, girl meets, girl  
> This is the best place in the world, ooh

Cait ran her hands through her hair, trying to work out the worst of the tangles. Thankfully there wasn't any blood in it tonight, or at least she hoped there wasn't. She looked into the dirty cracked mirror on her dressing room wall. Her eyes were sunken with large dark circles and the beginnings of crow's feet and her cheeks were hollow. Her skin was a sickening shade of white and a cold sweat glistened on her skin. How long had it been since her last fix? It couldn't have been more than a few hours. 

Gunshots rang out in the theater. The crowd was getting restless waiting for the fight. Tommy's voice boomed over the loudspeaker, yelling something about fighting being against the rules. The crowd went wild, chanting "LOCK THEM UP!" They seemed more bloodthirsty than normal tonight.

All things considered, Cait's life could be and has been a lot worse. Even though she had to fight and kill for the amusement of raiders, it wasn't too bad of a gig. Hell, it was probably the best situation she's ever had. There was a steady supply of caps and a roof over her head. She didn't really belong to anyone. Sure, Tommy owned her contract, but he was nice to her for the most part. Besides, fighting and killing are what she's best at. If you're good at something, you shouldn't ever do it for free.

Cait wrapped her belt around her bicep, pulling it tight with her teeth. "Showtime," she mumbled to herself and slammed the Psycho auto injector into her arm. God, the hiss of the injector was her favorite sound. She screamed with rage and ground her teeth into the leather of her belt. The Psycho coursed its way through her veins. Muscles that felt sore and lethargic were instantly surging and tingling with energy. The color came back to her skin. She released the belt from her teeth and threw her head back in pure ecstasy and relief. All was right in her world.

......

As Cait was finishing off the first raider to challenge her that night, Tommy boomed over the loudspeaker. She didn't quite catch what he was saying over the cracking of the raider's bones and his screams of agony or the cheering from the crowd. When she looked up to see what all the commotion was about, she couldn't believe her eyes. Some goddamn idiot in a vault suit had just blundered into The Combat Zone with a fucking Mr. Handy. Just as she was thinking how stupid this woman was, a raider's head exploded.

The vault dweller and her robot butler made quick work of disposing of all of the raiders and looting their bodies for gear. Cait looked on in amazement. She had no idea how a vaultie had learned to kill with such ruthless efficiency, but she was impressed. If Cait was completely honest, she found it to be pretty hot to see a woman kill as well as she did.

After the last raider was killed and looted, Tommy called out to the vaultie. "We don't want any trouble!"

......

"Me?! And her?!" Cait exclaimed.

"Why would you want her to go with me?" The vaultie asked Tommy.

"Yeah, Tommy. Just why the hell are you tryin to get rid of me?"

"Look," Tommy said, "the truth is all that junk is making you careless. And I don't wanna be the one doing color commentary when you finally hit the floor. Alright? So just do me this favor. Both of you. Please."

"I'd like to know what Cait thinks," the vaultie said pensively.

"Don't I get a say in this?"

"That ain't how a contract works. Besides, you really wanna stay here? No audience, no caps, no one to talk to but yours truly."

"Jesus," Cait said "point taken."

"She's on board. Now what about you?"

"Sure. I could use someone watching my back."

.....

"Are you sure this is the best idea, mum?" said the Mr. Handy, looking over Cait and the area outside the theater.

"It's fine, Codsworth. It's time you went back to Sanctuary anyway," the vaultie firmly told the Mr. Handy.

Codsworth sighed and said, "do try to be safe out there, mum. I'll be eagerly awaiting your return in Sanctuary." He floated away into the distance reluctantly.

The vaultie stepped forward and extended her hand. "Cait, I should introduce myself if we're going to be traveling together. My name is Nora. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Cait took a good long look at Nora. She looked healthier than anyone she had ever seen, even more than the normal vault dwellers who crossed her path over the years. She didn't look like she had been starving and all of her scars were fresh. She was the most beautiful woman Cait had ever seen, with a curvaceous body and generally smooth skin. Cait shook Nora's extended hand, which was devoid of the callouses that everyone else in the wasteland had developed over all their years of struggling.

"Lead the way, love. I guess you're calling the shots now," Cait said, trying to sound smooth. She could feel the Psycho waning in her system. She desperately wanted to get somewhere where she could shoot up in peace.

"What do you know about The Museum of Witchcraft?" Nora asked, with a mischievous glimmer in her eye.


	4. Not a Pretty Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am not a pretty girl,   
> That is not what I do.  
> I ain't no damsel in distress,  
> And I don't need to be rescued.  
> So, so put me down punk.  
> Wouldn't you prefer a maiden fair?  
> Isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere?  
> I am not an angry girl,  
> But it seems like I've got everyone fooled.  
> Every time I say something they find hard to hear,  
> They chalk it up to my anger,  
> And never to their own fear.  
> ...  
> And I am sorry,  
> But I am not a maiden fair,  
> And I am not a kitten, stuck up a tree somewhere.  
> Generally my generation  
> Would never be caught dead working for the man.  
> And generally I agree with them,  
> Trouble is you got to find yourself an alternate plan.  
> And I have earned my disillusionment,  
> I have been working  
> All of my life.  
> And I am a patriot.  
> I have been fighting the good fight.  
> And what if there are no damsels in distress?  
> What if I knew that, and I called your bluff?  
> Don't you think every kitten  
> Figures out how to get down,  
> Whether or not you ever show up?  
> I am not a pretty girl.  
> Don't really want to be a pretty girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey. Here's another chapter after six months of nothing. It's been a weird time between a bad car accident, finals, losing my job, having too many jobs, etc. But I'm back so here we go.

The gate to Goodneighbor closed with a loud bang behind Piper. She had held her composure the entire time she was inside the city, but she had reached her breaking point when Finn grabbed his crotch and yelled, "I got a tip for you right here, sweetheart!" And of course all security guards hooted and wolf whistled. She screamed in frustration through her clenched teeth as she slammed the door shut behind her. 

The sun was hanging low and the sky was turning pink and orange. Even though she knew it was getting a little late to be traveling through downtown Boston with a partner, Piper set out on her own. The lead she had on McDonough that brought her to Goodneighbor had turned out to be nothing and she had a suspicion it was made up as an excuse for the drifter "informant" to try to seduce her. 

Piper had also left MacCready behind in The Third Rail because she could only tolerate so many jokes about a "one on one" interview. She didn't really need to get home tonight because Nat was spending the night with Nina Rodriguez and the next issue of the paper wasn't due for two days, but she was frustrated to the point she'd almost risk walking through the Boston Common alone to avoid being objectified again today. Besides, the sun was only beginning to sink in the west and Piper figured she could cover the two mile walk before darkness fell if she was fast and smart about it. She had stocked up on ammo before leaving Diamond City and when she got to Goodneighbor. Fortunately Daisy and KL-E-O had plenty, so she didn't have to go through the torture of dealing with Fred Allen while buying from Rufus or bumping into Marowski at Hotel Rexford. 

Even though it took her closer to the common than Piper would like, she decided to take the same path she and MacCready took on the way over. She had to assume that it was still mostly clear after they had killed so many ferals and super mutants. The only thing she really had to worry about was sneaking past the raider camps and bumping into anyone else who would be roaming the streets. 

"A noise!" The unmistakable growling tone of a super mutant came from above her in the caved in skyscraper. Piper instantly regretted leaving MacCready behind. He would have shot the mutant right in the eye before it had a chance to make another sound. Her pistol would never reach far enough to hit anything up that high. All she could do was stay low and move slowly in the shadows. 

"Hmmph! Must've been nothin," the mutant grumbled as Piper reached the fence of the graveyard. It must have been the only greenskin they missed on the way over. Piper crouched even lower to avoid any ferals they missed on the way over. She knew MacCready had an extra hatred for the things and would kill ferals all day if he could, but it never hurts to be safe. 

After making it past the graveyard, the obstacle she feared the most was next- The Boston Common. Piper stopped for a moment to weigh her options. The most direct path would take her close enough to the old Protectron to wake it up, which would probably wake up whatever this "swan" was. On the other hand, she could take the long way around and get closer to the pond, where she assumed "swan" had to be. 

Piper peered around the corner of the crumbling building, then immediately flattened herself against the wall. Raiders. Approaching the common. She held her breath and silently prayed they hadn't seen her. She could hear them talking to themselves but couldn't make out what they were saying. The voices didn't seem to get closer, but she still didn't move. 

Suddenly an eardrum-shattering roar came from the common. This had to be "swan." Curiosity got the best of Piper and she looked around the corner. A green hulking... thing covered in pieces of the old swan boats rose from the pond. The raiders shot fruitlessly at it with their pipe pistols. This was her chance. Piper darted around the corner and ran at full speed past the common and the Protectron. The raiders screamed in agony one by one as they were brutally killed. She never looked back. 

Fear and adrenaline fueled her sprint all the way to the edge of the Diamond City perimeter. A pack of feral hounds leapt out at her. Adrenaline still coursing through her veins, Piper shot all of them dead. There were only four, but she managed to not receive a single bite. 

As she got closer to the gate, Piper's heart slowed down and she began to analyze the situation around her. There wasn't a single guard in sight. Piper was both grateful and afraid upon realizing this. On one hand, she wouldn't be hassled by the mouthy guards. On the other, something was likely very wrong. Gunshots rang out in the distance, followed by the unmistakable braying of a mutant hound. Muties must have set up shop around the corner from the gate again. Good. Piper could work with this. Danny Sullivan might even not be on gate duty. 

However, that was when Piper's luck ran out. Danny was operating the gate and he was being as much of a stickler as he always was. Piper begged, pleaded and demanded he open the gate, but he wouldn't open the gate. Her heart sank with the realization she might have really crossed the line. He really wasn't going to let her in. The gunshots subsided and she couldn't tell who won. Piper let loose and screamed a sarcastic tirade into the intercom. After everything she had been through today, she was not going down without a fight. Darkness was closing in and she would almost certainly die out here alone. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Piper caught a glance of something bright blue. A vault dweller in mismatched leather and raider armor approached cautiously. A spark of hope reignited in Piper. She waved the vault dweller over. "PSSST!" she whispered. "You want to get in?"


	5. Swim Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's a pretty big trunk on my Lincoln town car, ain't it?  
> Big enough to take these broken hearts and put 'em in it  
> Now I'm drivin' 'round on the boulevard, trunk bleedin'  
> And every time the cops pull me over, they don't ever see them
> 
> And I've got this black suit on  
> Roamin' around like I'm ready for a funeral  
> Five more miles 'til the road runs out
> 
> I'm about to drive in the ocean  
> I'ma try to swim from somethin' bigger than me  
> Kick off my shoes and swim good, and swim good  
> Take off this suit and swim good, and swim good, good
> 
> Got some pretty good beats on this 808 CD, yeah  
> Memory seats I'm sittin' on stay heated  
> I woulda put tints on my windows but what's the difference?  
> If I feel like a Ghost, no Swayze  
> Ever since I lost my baby
> 
> ...
> 
> I'm goin' off (Oh, my pretty love)  
> Don't try stopping me  
> I'm goin' off (Throw me a line)  
> Don't try saving (Broke my heart)  
> No flares (Broke my heart)  
> No vest (Drove my love)  
> And no fear  
> Waves are washin' me out  
> ...

Deacon couldn't believe it. Bullseye had really cleared out University Point. He knew her code name was appropriate after she and Valentine had helped him secure Carrington's prototype from Switchboard, but those were just Gen. 1 synths. He had really just stood next to her while she shot that courser in the head like it was nothing. The synth didn't even have time to activate his Stealth Boy. 

Deacon was so elated by this and everything she had done for The Railroad over the past few weeks he could have kissed her. He had grown so used to Desdemona and the whole organization sitting on their hands, other than escorting synths to Ticonderoga and Goodneighbor for their memory wipes. This sudden flurry of activity was such a shock to his system, Deacon was almost happy when Bullseye teleported to The Institute after selling their scrap to the Atom Cats. He needed some time to himself to process everything.

Traveling alone was something that never really bothered Deacon. He knew how to blend into his surroundings well enough that nobody really payed attention to him. He took his time heading in the general direction of HQ. As he passed University Point, Deacon remembered seeing that the razorgrain plants that had survived the attack were ready to be harvested. Everyone back at HQ would appreciate some fresh grain to make more noodles.

...

As Deacon harvested the last bits of grain, he stopped to take in what was left of the place. What had once been his loud and vibrant childhood home was covered in a heavy blanket of stillness. The hustle and bustle of the market and everyone going about their lives had been replaced with the faint sound of the ocean waves in the distance. The weight of his memories hit Deacon like a ton of bricks. He leaned against the shack wall next to the razorgrain and closed his eyes. He could practically see, hear and smell his past again. He used to play hide and go seek right here in the razorgrain with the other kids. Behind the pillars of the main building was where he snuck his first kiss with Tina, the pharmacist's daughter. He remembered laughing over bottles of warm beer with the rest of the Deathclaws. Before things got out of hand. Before the murder. Before Barbara.

Deacon shook his head, as if he could shake the weight of his memories. He milled aimlessly around the empty settlement, admiring and remembering everything from his childhood until he found himself in his childhood home. It wasn't much, his family was poor and his father had been killed when Deacon was a baby. It was just his mother and older sister in the tiny room together with him, all huddled in the same room. While everything was still in disarray from the Institute attack, nothing much had changed since Deacon left as a teenager. After the murder. Deacon rifled through the dresser. There wasn't much apart from his sister's old burnt fashion magazines and an old black suit. Deacon remembered his mother telling him it was his father's suit, and it was still in pretty good shape. Realizing what a great addition it could be to his disguises, Deacon tried it on.

The suit fit perfectly. Deacon admired himself in the dirty glass that his sister had used as a mirror. It was so nice he could infiltrate the upper stands at Diamond City. Come to think of it, the suit reminded him of the one he wore when he married Barbara. Stricken with the memory of how excited they were on that day and how she had insisted he dress up so it could be just like all the pre war pictures she had seen... and... and... everything that happened... after, Deacon suddenly had his fill of nostalgia. 

He left the ghost town, but he didn't feel like being around everyone at HQ just yet. Thanks to Bullseye, everyone was filled with hope and vigor and he just couldn't handle it yet. Deacon found himself on the shore, still in his father's suit. Just like the one Barbara gave him. He could feel himself physically buckling under the weight of his past, becoming numb to everything around him. Slowly, Deacon stepped into the cold water, but he could barely feel it. He walked until the water was at his chest, then he went limp, just floating and bobbing on the waves. Deacon stared up at the sky, the sun had nearly vanished in the west. Tears trickled from his eyes as he remembered Barbara. He could almost see her face among the stars that were just beginning to twinkle in the east. Her shiny blond hair that was usually pulled back in a loose braid. Sometimes she would put a hubflower behind her ear. He saw her brown eyes with the sparkling flecks of gold and the light dusting of freckles across her delicate nose. She had a faint scar in the corner of her pink lips. She said a mongrel bit her before her dad could kill it when she was five. Even though she was made by The Institute and not technically living, nobody was more alive than her.

After floating for what could have been hours, Deacon brushed against something sold and was jerked back into reality and jolted awake. Nausea from all the rads washed over him and he dry heaved. He bobbed into the solid mass again and he grabbed at it without thinking. Luckily, it was an old boat with a manmade platform that held an okay looking sleeping bag. He clumsily pulled himself on board and tried to call out to see if it was occupied, but was interrupted by another dry heave. Luck was still on his side as nothing jumped out to kill him. He figured he had to be alone. 

After another dry heave, Deacon gladly realized he hadn't lost his pack and fished out a packet of RadAway. He quickly found a vein and started the flow of the medicine, just like he had done what was probably hundreds of times before. As the rads were chased out his system, Deacon started to think more clearly. Bullseye had made such a positive impact on him, she deserved to know the kind of person she was traveling with. He had to lay it all on the line before things went any farther. She deserved to know that she was traveling with a murderer and she deserved to know why he was part of The Railroad while she still had the time to decide what she was going to do about The Institute or The Brotherhood or really anything else in The Commonwealth. And after every lie he tried to tell her, Bullseye deserved to know at least one thing that's true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to make a few cuts in the lyrics to get it to fit. Meh.
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and the support. I'm trying to get a few more chapters out over the long weekend.


End file.
